Bothered

People know what I think in private because there are people monitoring me in private who somehow magically get the message across.  No one comments on my blog, though.  So, they go for what's most important and chose to mess around.  They linger on it, for years, forever maybe.  What about all the other good people?  They must have productive lives.  I somehow lose spirit and wonder if people are pretending I'm good because I'm part Chinese.

A smart question does not ask for a stupid answer.

"Children of the 90s"

In the early/mid 1990s, why did children appear not to know what was going on around them?

"Be Prepared"

So, let me get this straight.  You weren't really doing homework, anyway, so you grew up with chores to get you ready for independence gradually starting at 16 until 18.  So, everyone is a maid and has no brain?

Schools gave busywork and wasted the day talking to bad people and making us do busywork.  We never learned much.  We were told to go to boarding school as a teen if we wanted a shot at intelligence.  I wanted to do music.

Baby Boomers had a feast every day, and so they still have energy, while their kids's generation didn't get to eat as much and are small and underfed, encouraged to diet, short and fat arranged in funny ways.

Puberty

Were children of the early/mid 1990s pubescent?

Not Before

People believe I am constantly an issue.  What a change from yesterday!

The Special Kids

Are some people nicer and more lenient with their kids than other people?

Elderly Men

Elderly men are mistaken to think I am not still good.

A Popular Way to Wear Hair

Girls tie a ponytail with a bump with the hair pulled half through.  That went outta style a long time ago maybe seemingly quickly, at least to some. Instead, they do that but upside down, a long time ago.  I wonder what they do, now.  I'm not 100% sure.

New Decision and Can't Go Back

I used to be considered a good, upstanding person, but something went screwy and just sorta ask someone from a cold country in Europe and they're mostly sorta shrug like it's questionable.

Superiority

The world is teaching Whites from Generation XYZ to respond to the fact they are superior to me.

Better

People used to say, despite what they did, it is better to like old fashioned things and prestigious people, but now the world is nothing.

Everyone acts like I'm bad and not to be a part of this life like everyone else.

Message Board Post by Me

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Topic by Me

The Spanish 100s of Years Ago From Spain Are Not Like Latinos

They seem white, and Southern Europe is European, too.

Anyone Want That Seat Over There

Funny, people don't care about classical orchestral instrumental musicians the way the musicians themselves don't care about lead violinists.

Care and Concern

People pretend to care about me but are just being mean.

Unfair

People are allowed to attack me, but I can't defend myself.

Other people...

Other people don't get in trouble for thinking bad of me like the word "nigger" not being tapped into...

Classical Orchestral Instrumental Musicians Since Childhood

Don't tell a classically trained musician you love Beethoven's 9th Symphony, for example, because, I mean, don't expect a favorable reaction ... most normal places they are highly egotistical against people like me who can't play well enough/yet to be in an orchestra.

"Tested?"

People love singling other people out, like me or people I care about in weird ways.  Not everyone gets tested.

At Risk

Californians want to be a part of the US more, but they want to attack vulnerable people like me who happen to have ancestors from Pennsylvania.  There are others, of course, with ancestors from Pennsylvania and some in or from California.

Who's "bad," anyway?...

Why do bad people get stimulated more and the world revolve around them in ways they enjoy?

Also, I'm not bad just because other people are really good, like an explanation for who it was that caused a problem maybe no one even did or maybe someone else, like an adult figure or older person.

In Disagreement

If someone disagrees and is nice to you now will be mean later.

Who says? that I'm not as good? and that people can do that to me and like I'm that kind of person?

Also, some people say they are all that to others and then you find they're just stealing attention and are like the baby and stimulated etc.

Being Good

People used to know me as good.  It just seems to slip conveniently that I don't matter as a person in general.

Message Board Post by Me

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Re: What are some things you can do therapeutically?

How about play music with others in a classical orchestra rather than just at home whatever you can do?

I'm not heading for the end.

People from Generation X who had kids barged in and knocked the kids out with parents who were in their 30s and 40s at the time and said their kids can do anything and replace me because they, the kids, are from a younger generation.

I think, in classical music, kids think it's something special for them but think it is tacky to be expressive, like it's something new and they get to decide.  It probably happens late at night when people are sleeping and floats around in the day in the subconscious.

You might try comparing kids today to generations between me and them, rather than just older ones like Generation X.

90's/00s' - Still Normal...

So, the 90's/00's theme was classical orchestral musical instrumentalists, as included, still going out and having fun like a teenager but feeling special.

Orchestra

Musicians are healthy musically from the therapy of being in the orchestra.  They probably don't spend much of their practicing alone, like you do growing up playing a classical orchestral instrument.

Subconscious Tension From Different Countries About Germany

There is a lot of tension for people who are not German or not all/mostly German in liking Germany maybe especially.

Germans just feel mean to others that they have the most to show for.

Young Musicians Playing Classical Music in Berlin

In 2019, the European Union Youth Orchestra played Beethoven's 9th Symphony in Berlin.  They even had a video of them playing live in the streets.  Wow!  They must have worked hard.

So, what about the local musicians of Berlin or other smaller cities in Germany?

Abuse - Relative Age

People seem to baby and favor the youngest child, no matter what the other children do.

German Comradery

Germans are very "close knit" and tend to stick together, probably only opening up when something's in it for them.  They aren't always open to part-German Americans.  It might depend on the rest of their "mix."

Finding Out

Sometimes, Germany and some surrounding countries seem open to the US so much, but I find they are living problems of the past still, now.

How do you decide what's right - hight?

If you were short, would you make fun of short people, say a girl who is 5'3"?

Message Board Post by Me

This is what's really going on with Disney, not necessarily to do with corona…

Downtown Disney became Disney Springs.

Splash Mountain will be replaced with The Princess and the Frog (2009,) supposedly because of racism in the background of Splash Mountain. The Princess and the Frog (2009) is a favorite of mine because it takes place in New Orleans, where I lived as a teenager, an added benefit?

Frozen (2013) seems to be stagnant, as well as one more hit made today. Not many new ideas for princesses, besides Tangled (2010,) which left a lasting mark, and Brave (2012.) These movies resemble 2 friends I had who I don't think I have much of a relationship with anymore..

"A Broken Record"

Sometimes, negativity can be like "a broken record."

Unusual Things - Not Better

Traditionally, things like ballet and classical music are well-liked, but if someone does something odd, hard to do, and not really as appealing does not mean those other things go to waste.

Young Adults Today - How They Are...

Young adults today are overly religious.

Is this some joke?

What about people who cannot sing at all?

Message Board Post by Me

Who is better: good singers or instrumentalists?

Sometimes, it happens both ways, but instrumentalists in general tend not to admit the piano is worth shit. Take it from a former piano major at a prestigious institution, yours truly.

In Trouble

What do you think about being in trouble for wanting to play music and being good at ballet because you already did but not really ready to be a professional...? in trouble because people think ballet isn't as good as it seems, like it's worse than other things.

You know, a lot of people who play classical music exceed the talent of ballet but play because they were too wayward or absent-minded to be more of a performer as a person or blend in with others in a good aspect...?

Of course, many people join orchestra in school because they have nothing to do, and I wanted to play for a long time.

"That's the facts, Max."

So,  Generation X is always in trouble.

What is their problem?

I can't trust people who are old enough to be my parents because they always think I'm in trouble, and I find out sooner or later.  I had perfect behavior almost all in school all my life.

What are we waiting for?...

What do you think about giving people my age more time to put themselves out there and show their face, again?

Too Big?

Famous Late Baby Boomer English women I like seem to dislike me, like I'm a monster!? but I'm young enough to be their daughter and they are older than my mom.  How perverted is that to think I'm big when I'm much much younger?

Why did I stop growing?  Now, I am short and fat.

Public or Private?

Do you need to see people?

1

People think I'm a number to eliminate and then see what they get.

Strict on Me for Shit Reasons

People think I'm bad not to be a robot! but think it's okay if they are bad in tricky ways. 

You made a big decision you can't seem to take back...

If people make fun of me for being excited about culture ... you know I know no trivia ... that's a lot of knowledge of trivia of entertainment other people know to put behind, the way people were embarrassed for liking Pirates of the Caribbean and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005.)

Tired

I'm tired of being tired.

"Sooner or Later"

We set goals that are becoming more unattainable, but it may be the simple things in life we ignored, like physical activity and art therapy type things.

"All By Myself"

If people only act unappealing around me gives me reason to believe what if they really were and no one was appealing to me? I'd be really lonely.

What is "Writing Too Much"

When you've made your point and keep going to cover the fact you have no more points left, as of now.

Do you write too much?

Well, stop!

Being an Exceptional Individual, From a Certain Generation

Just because someone is a Late Baby Boomer and a very good, impressive, loving, capable person does not mean you need to put them in "sin..." and take away their "babies" or younger friends.

You might find if that's what you do you cannot really provide...! for them, due to stress from outside factors or that you set highly unrealistic goals and strange fantasies without the ability to carry out a successful plan to honor and "sex" them.  I have a situation like this and see no results in the goal but see maybe an excuse that maybe if they didn't do it by now they will later; then, you'd say, "These things take time," though that's not always so and you're uninterested to find out.  So, no offense to anyone like this.  I'm not sure what craziness brought this on in this way.  All I can see is I was stopped from being happy, known or unknown.

Messing Up

People like to make it hard on good people so they mess up by accident and then no one likes them.

Mixed Race

People get ahead of mixed race people because they get more holistic and active experience, even affecting them physically, of socializing.

People don't get as close to mixed whites.

Abstraction of Focus

When people reach for abstract things from longer ago and say it's better, do they just mean things like the 1980s? which you can put a label on?  Sure, there were better things before, too, "who knows" when they started.

I figured this out. "Cool it."

The exploitation part of the fame of the older lady I like is just a precautionary measure like handling the coronavirus/COVID-19.

F.Y.I. (For Your Information)

Protocol, it's safe to assume I'm in trouble.  Don't let the suggestion of me give you a hard day.

More Subconscious Thoughts Floating Around After Dark

Are you generation-prejudice in your sleep?

Drawings/Colorings for the Day

video lessons

Hamster

My hamster got out of its cage, apparently I left a door opened.

Hamster

This hamster girl loves the external wheel, going in and out sometimes, running in it.

Hamster

I just got a hamster, and it came out when I played the violin near me on a wheel.

Does this mean...

Is it just me, or, because an older lady I like was exploited, does that mean people need and expect more of her than if she wasn't?

She was sort of advertised that way.  It seems not to be in the best ways possible.

"I wasn't made to..."

I am not made to satisfy other people's stupors, like wondering why I don't deserve to be hurt for some reason.  I was alert before, and I am still here now; it's not like you suddenly dominated me and satisfied me sexually.

"Ready as Ever"

I'm ready to do stuff, and no one else is, and I get the blame.

Me Singing Now

Weird

It's funny how people aren't afraid to be mean to me.

Reality

Do you see reality as how things are as opposed to how they should be?

"Taking Advances"

It seems some adult public figures or celebrities would treat me differently if I were still in grade school.  They seem to be forward with my generation.  Before, they would be taking a risk to make advances, which some did.

When Is Cool "Too Cool?"

I was counting on being cool in school.

Catching up on Sleep or Tired on Pills Now

I just slept a lot, over 24 hours, eating in between, and feel much better to be awake.

Cursed to Never Feel Special

When I ask about something philosophical and emotional, it's not like someone popular and "naughty" finally decided to say something good.  It's just boring, old Christina, who some people have known since birth but never talked to her as much as others.

Exercise

Just jogging isn't enough for me because it wears my legs out.

Fame

Can fame change adventures?

Germans and Asians

Are Germans more Japanese than the Chinese?

"Passing Judgment" - Home Life

How can people be nasty to me for my home life just being different or mad if I'm ahead but like others like that?

Subconsciousness - Generations

People just assume I'm in the wrong because of my generation and my dad's generation.

Misery

Everyone is just sitting there doing nothing like I'm not good enough.

Wedding Music

I just got a wedding book for violin.  I watched a video of a boy who knew and knows the girl who wrote it.  It does look very good and clean-cut.  I know almost every song in it.

A Strange Phenomenon

Did you ever think after you've come all this way, you can't feel any sense of wonder over anything ... and feel like people have been trying to hypnotize you into worrying that you're not perfect and don't win?

Oxymoron - Stimulation of Different Generations

Why would a Late Baby Boomer act reprimandingly to Generation X that they themselves need more stimulation?  The problem Generation X has is not getting stimulated like Late Baby Boomers.

Popular Cultures

It seems popular to be German and immerse in Florida or Japan.

Mystery of Music

Classical orchestral musicians seem to think poorly of pianists and avoid giving them attention at all costs and averting any and all acknowledgement.

Organists seem to laugh at all other musical instruments.

Race - Excitement

The Asian culture is actually very exciting, to follow.

(image source credit)

(images source credit)

Facebook - Desolate

Facebook seems like a win or lose deal.  It's always there if you need it, though.

Popular Misconception and False Guise

It's not a sin to be interested in other races and also whatever the one you practice is.  Some of us just haven't been "tested" or "overrated" in this.  There's a fine line between acting human and worrying about how you appear racially and not "cutting it."

Racistic Mystery

Say, some people are very racist and nice to smart people. They are not nice to me if I'm smart because of my race. They are also popular with many others who seem to just get along with it being that way. In the end, these people will be glorified by those in high places or it will feel that's how it is. In the end, you don't know what happened and why you have no one to talk to.

"Making Changes"

It seems Early Boom parents had kids born in the mid-1980s ... their kids felt like people thought they were each the best one in the world, but now Early Boomers are coming, plowing through their lives reprimanding them that they are not that good at all and can only get close to their parents.

Some parents push their kids hard to be the best, being mean to them if they are not.  That is how they treat some people like people born around 1990 because they are embarrassed of how their kids born then turned out, in the world.

Femininity

Females may resemble their dad but are always growing more feminine, perhaps.

Too Tired to Learn Something New?

Do people get tired of learning new things as they grow older, take, violin, diving...? but maybe piano for fun is okay?

The Art of the Self

Classical musicians seem most confident they will prevail.

Fractured Logic

It's interesting when someone who is very good compared to others all the time pretty much ... if they get in a bad situation and for once are in the wrong ... what that opens up to other people who are not as good when the good person loses it? like it means these other people were really better.

A Terrible Trend

Sadly, it seems like the Black culture in the United States of America started the habit to act delirious and try to distract/divert you from thinking about the good things in life, like how much love there was before the internet and cell phones ... or about your parents or those you love.

I also noticed they especially like the "adrenaline rush" of getting closer to people during the coronavirus/COVID-19.  I know they "just want something to happen."  They feel lost and want others to feel that, too.

Racist Vibes, Inevitable?

Can it ever really be trusted to leave a non-European race person to others, especially of other races/ethnicities, and not suffer racist vibes?  Of course, different mixes and different races and different personalities get racist vibes in different ways.

So, you can.

People already know Late Generation X suffered socially.  People are actively chosing to disregard the quality of their involvement.

You thought Late Generation X was assured to always be loved if they looked like children or teenagers, but apparently people can stop loving them in light of how young they look still.  It's strange because Late Boomers still get support, though they feel more stimulated than most people, in a young way.

Everyone wants the same thing.

It's hard to talk about social problems and to start eradicating them because everyone will claim to be better than you because they claim they must all have the same problem, at least within certain demographics.  That's my experience.

"Black Lives Matter"

Why did people originally start to whine about racial issues when they gave up on life, as an excuse?  I mean it might have been in the 2010s, though something was brewing in the 2000s.  There was a clear escalation around 2003/2004.  2005 is when it seemed to really hit.